The prospect of talking to your partner about what you really want in the bedroom can be a scary thought, and understanding how to approach such matters can be the difference in good sex, and outstanding sex that leaves you both satisfied. But first things first, what is it that you really want? It may be time to indulge in some much raved about self-love, and partake in masturbation. Masturbation enables you to learn about what works for you, and could benefit your sex life in the future as you become confident in communicating your sexual preferences and desires to your partner. Masturbation also benefits your physical and mental health, so go ahead and light some candles, put on some music and relax into an orgasmic state. Many people like to bring a sex toy into the mix during solo play, and you can start with something simple like the Exposed Sherry Finger Vibe or the Eve After Dark Waterproof GSpot Vibe Fuchsia. Once you have mastered your new toy, you can introduce it into the bedroom. There are also many toys ideal for partners, such as the WeVibe Sync Purple. When it comes to the finer details of sex, always remember that it is important to give your partner feedback before, during, and after. At first, it can feel like you are criticising their technique, but the end result is greater satisfaction for both of you.


Whether you do this by talking dirty, or simply discussing it during a candlelit dinner, it is wise and often a turn on to tell your partner beforehand what you want them to do to you. Be as graphic as you see fit, and make them feel good about their technique. Set the mood and get what you want.


Whether it’s a simple “speed up”, “slow down”, “a little to the left”, “yes, keep doing that!” or “a little faster,” the reaction that you give when enjoying sex more will erase any worries you have about them doubting their abilities. Giving feedback about what feels good at that very moment is useful because it requires you to pay close attention at the height of stimulation.


Delivering a post-sex account of all of your favourite moments could be the last thing on your mind after sex, as you both slump into a sleepy haze, yet this could be the most beneficial time to discuss what just happened. Fresh in the mind, you both have a specific experience to refer back to, and can tell each other what felt good and why.

Non-verbal communication

Do not simply rely on this, but non-verbal communication can be a great indication to your partner of what you like and don’t like. Think noise volumes, are you loud moaning when something feels amazing? Your breathing and writhing will also convey what you like, so be expressive, as well as kisses, hip movement and telling squeezes.


If you both are a little shy or reluctant to express your desires, a kinky game could be the ideal way to break the ice and inspire you both to broaden your sexual horizons. Experiment with what you enjoy doing with a partner, using Kinky BDSM Dice as a great date night alternative. Always give your partner plenty of comments to even out any constructive criticism and show them how much you appreciate them, and remember that your partner is not psychic, and neither are you, but being honest and open in your relationship will lead to closeness in and out of the bedroom.