BDSM is often not fully understood, and people simply know snippets from what they have seen in porn or heard about from friends, but feel embarrassed to discuss it or feel weird about the whole concept.
Until the world of Anastasia and Christian Grey opened up our eyes to this rich, fantasy life as Fifty Shades of Grey brought dark play to the mainstream, it was portrayed in the media as a taboo.
Exploring BDSM can be liberating, and a real confidence builder as you become turned on by things you had never previously anticipated. If you have an open mind and have ever fantasised about your very own red room of pain, read on to learn a bit more about these intriguing practices:
What is it all about?
The term first appeared in 1969, and incorporates several forms: Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism.
All of the acts revolve around dominating and relinquishing control, but is not about getting hurt against your will. There is always the option to say ‘no’, and it is simple about exploring boundaries, emotions and fantasy.
Essentially an erotic part of foreplay, BDSM contains a dominant and a submissive role, which are interchangeable and gender fluid. It can often take some practice and experimentation to realise which part each partner would like to play.
The appeal for many couples lies in the process of deriving pleasure from pain, and sharing a truly erotic experience together.
What does it involve?
Bondage & Discipline: It might seem strange for this to be a pairing, but they are actually quite similar concepts in that one focuses on physical restraint, and the other on psychological restraint.
From light bondage using handcuffs and belts to hardcore contraptions to bind genitalia and limbs, bondage gives both erotic stimulations and heightened pleasure. Discipline can be described as mental restraint, with one or both partners living under specific rules that must be followed to avoid punishment.
Dominance & Submission: The acts are usually performed with dom and sub roles in mind, which means one person plays the dominant role, while the other plays the submissive role. This can depend on the individual’s personality, and can be alternated whenever the pair feel fit.
It is important to work out some boundaries, and choose a mutual safe word that will signal to your partner to stop. The dom and sub will experiment and make mistakes together, this is all part of the journey.
Sadism & Masochism: Expect to be inflicted with lots of pain as you learn to push your boundaries and ultimately receive erotic stimulation. The pain can range from language abuse and spanking to full on practices including the use of candle wax, electro-stimulation and asphyxiation.
Who is it for?
Anybody can try BDSM. Many people associate bondage play with unstable, unusual people, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. People who practice BDSM are reported to be stable, sexually confident people who enjoy liberating sex and putting utmost trust into their partner.
If you are interested in exploring it, ensure your partner is on the same level, and start with baby steps, working your way up to your biggest fantasies.
Many couples see the practice as a lifestyle choice, but it doesn’t have to be, it can certainly be a secret bedroom sexual idea.
Sexual liberation, sex toys, and the female orgasm, are much more commonly discussed in the digital age, and though BDSM might have been abhorred by society, a lot happens behind closed doors, and people are beginning to open up to this.
